Let Go of the Measuring Stick, You Are Enough

I’ve been all twisted up inside, like the lure cast wrong on a fly fisherman’s pole. I’m trying to untangle the line inside my head hooked on self-worth. It needs to be cut off.

H and I sit in armchairs facing each other, pondering a contract to cure the terminal disease on my front lawn. I’ve always done the gardening but sometimes you have to let go of what you don’t know, as much as cultivating what you do.

While we talk about the cost, guilt rises to the middle of my throat. I tell him I think I should get a job, contribute something to the family.  Because someone already helps me clean and now we’re thinking about someone to help me do the yard work and I’m capable, feeling like an invalid when I can walk.

“No,” he shakes his head, arches his eyebrows. “I want you to do what God has called you to do. You haven’t spent a year on this for nothing.”

I’m writing. Towards a dream not yet fully formed while hanging on to God’s coat tails over craggy courage and dark days of waiting. I have no idea where He’s taking me but He stops long enough to let me linger in the landscape. Capture slanted light illuminating the beauty of his sheep for brief moments.

H reminds me what the sheep look like, the ones that come to the altar of this blog. They carry loneliness, discouragement, sickness and loss. Struggle with miscarriage, separation, adoption and divorce. Wear scars from the church, their parents, adult children and strangers.

And while I’m preoccupied with value, there just isn’t a measuring stick for serving words, offering the cup of prayer, yielding to the voice of consolation?

Perhaps I’ve stood in the same spot too long, distracted by the crowds grazing on the hillsides of plenty, while Jesus searches for one.

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. (Psalm 16:6 ESV)

Do you measure your self-worth by what you do, instead of who you are? Let’s hurl that measuring stick together, shall we?

Linking with Jennifer, Ann, Duane, Emily, Life Unmasked.

This is #24 in the series 31 Days of Letting Go. You can read the collective here. If you are a writer, I invite you to link up any post you’ve written on the theme of letting go in the comments here on Friday. Subscribe to receive the series in your inbox or feed by adding your address in the side bar under Follow Redemptions Beauty.

 

The Color of Stillness

We drive winding narrow along a quilt of grass dotted woolly white, stitched together by rows of craggy walls and sturdy trees. He dips his brush in green and water and colors her England.

And just when He finishes with green, the brush loads rapeseed yellow in May. Those long sunny strokes wave hello to passersby, shout glory of blanketed earth.

When we stop, the trees stretch their limbs in windy gale, awaken to our presence. The air echoes bleating sheep. He recognizes the whimper of each one.

And I think I can hear it running whisper along the dale; His voice in the stillness, a drip falling from the paintbrush He holds to color the sky blue.

Wherever you may wander, over hill and dale, may you recall that He painted this day a masterpiece for you.

Happy Saturday Friends.

On Dandelion Days and Shoreless Seas

The sea casts her white diamond shimmer in early morning sun under a string of sailboat sillouettes. All of creation awakens to her peace. Our children run a stretch of time along her crystal coast. Those dandelion days scattering seeds that float through years like parachutes falling from cerulean sky.

And the mothers, we stand on shore linking arms under their drift.  Pray in the wait, wear their downy crown of spores, watch for ships return on the horizon.  We hold on to those dandelion days, place them in the locket of remembrance around our heart.

Those seeds germinate and multiply through days that swelter, freeze and hang hammock in steady breeze and He sends shepherds to cultivate the tender places.

A shepherd dressed in lapis blue and gold dangling beauty from her wrists.  She carries the crook of a Catholic school principal.  It lies beside her chair at home now but a shepherd never stops tending to her sheep.

When she enters the upstairs room of reunion among those who ran barefoot on sandy shores of childhood, they wander like sheep from their places around the white linen. Return to her familiar embrace.  Because sheep follow the voice of the one they trust to love them.

Aren’t we all sheep in need of a shepherd?

Our kids trade pink bows, high tops and plaid jumpers for boots that push pedals and hands that steer wheels to destiny now.  They bow their heads low in circle before raising a fork to the mouth, offer thanks to the one Holy God without prodding from the crook.

Their spontaneous words under boisterous laughter and conversation invite a holy hush, a sacred invasion among mothers seated nearby. We wipe our eyes in unison. 

Because in the worry of wait along the shore – while navigating balanced diets, after school activities, and harsh words spoken during recess – we remember that His love over them, over us, is a shoreless sea.  And these lambs we watch grow into sheep; they will carry crooks of their own.

Give ear, O my people, to my teaching;
incline your ears to the words of my mouth!
I will open my mouth in a parable;
I will utter dark sayings from of old,
things that we have heard and known,
that our fathers have told us.
We will not hide them from their children,
but tell to the coming generation
the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might,
and the wonders that he has done.
Psalm 78:1-4 ESV

 

Counting gifts with Ann for Multitudes on Monday:

  • For spiritual mentors.
  • The gift of pastoring a parish of people who still love us like family, even though we live four hours away now.
  • For generous friends who give a beach house for a weekend of celebration.
  • Safe travels for the teenager’s first long distance drive behind her parents.
  • Peace along the journey, for this mothers heart.
  • The pelican that shows up to pose for pictures while I sip coffee with a friend.
  • A drive with sky like paint brush of violet blue.
  • Waking up to shimmering ocean and the caw of seagulls.
  •  For the friend that came along, her sweet spirit.
  • The bag of fudge and the way it tastes the same to her even now.
  • The pizza they ate for lunch at the Catholic School and the way it still smells the same and makes their heart happy.
  • The envelopes from friends with checks inside for her mission trip to Jamaica.

Also linking with On Your Heart Tuesday, Playdates with God, Just Write, Miscellany Monday, Cup Half Full, Soli Deo Gloria.

  

When We Are Found

“Did you look under all the couch cushions in the family room,” I yelled from the living room as I slipped my hand into the crease between cushions and frame of the couch.  “Yes Mom, I told you I have checked several times and they aren’t there. I think I left them at a friend’s house.”

It’s the last ditch effort to find my son’s missing glasses. The silver Perry Ellis frames with the transition lenses that cost about one hundred dollars more than the first pair, the black plastic frames from Wal-Mart.  They’ve been missing for months and we decide to do one last treasure hunt on our way out to buy a replacement pair.

Trying to find missing objects – cell phones, flash drives, keys, bank cards, money, lunch boxes – it seems to come on the heels of reaching the teenage years.  It’s a familiar routine, one accompanied by a mother asking her child to be more responsible.

I think of the parables on the lost found in Luke 15:  The foolish shepherd who finds the lost sheep, the careless woman under lamplight and broom to find the coin, the son who squanders his life and returns to his father when he comes to his senses.

The deep sigh of rejoice in the finding, the love breath of God exhaled when the lost return to Him. I hope to realize that deep sigh of relief in this moment.  And for the souls dangling loose in the wait.

On the way to the store, I daydream out the sunny blur of the car window when H startles me back to reality with the question, “Did you actually call them to ask if the glasses were at their house?”

“No,” I replied. ”Don’t you think they would notice a pair of stray glasses lying around and tell us? The boys would know that they are his glasses, since they don’t wear any themselves.”

He gives me the look.  I agree to call, just to cover all the bases (and make everyone in the car happy).

And after I ask, she hesitates. The silence squints.  “Just a minute she says, we did have some glasses but I thought they were my mothers. She is always leaving her glasses at my house, so I took them to her house.  Let me call her and I will call you back.”

Two minutes later, we discover the missing glasses were exactly where my son said they were all along.

I hang my head in sorrow.

I am the older brother in the fourth parable Jesus tells in Luke 15. The one about the good son checking off the list of self-sufficiency, doing everything “right” and blinded by the obvious.  A mirror image for the grumbling Pharisees listening.

And just like those lost glasses, Jesus is out looking for us in our lostness while we sift among the respectable, dressed in our finest self-sufficiency. When I think I have it all together, stand safe in my square on the moral grid of life next the predictable, I miss being found like a diver discovering treasure at the bottom of the sea.  I only know what I experience on the surface.

Counting the Multitudes on Monday with Ann, won’t you join me?

  • Finding the glasses, even though he still wears the cheap pair anyway.
  • That He never tires of looking for the lost, all of us, His children.
  • For the milestone, my daughter who turns sixteen this week.
  • Conversation with friends that transport to another place, give perspective.
  • Prayers of the people that sound like a life transformed.
  • Dinners with friends, a reprieve from cooking for two nights.
  • For lots of rain that fill ponds back up for the ducks.
  • The little girl who sings worship songs next to her Dad without looking at the words.
  • The toddler wearing the padded spiderman suit and the pacifier to church because no one told him he couldn’t.