When Fear Takes Over

As I wander in a fog off the heels of our first prom weekend, I’m preparing to speak this week at Jumping Tandem: The Retreat and visit England shortly after. This post is a visit to England almost a year ago and resonates through the conglomeration that is my current reality. Yep, fear is an unwelcome relative. I’m sharing it again, in hope that it will resonate with you too, whether you read it the first time, or with new eyes today. I look forward to sharing new thoughts on Wonderstruck this Wednesday. 

 rbfeartakesover
Arms wrap around shoulders and cheeks touch goodbye one last time before I crawl into the passenger seat next to H. “Go ahead and cry now, you know you want to,” he says as we back out of the driveway, young arms waving wildly on the front lawn. And I do, I want to cry . . . every time.

An anniversary trip to Europe sings joy until the suitcases of reality load in the trunk and we pull away from secure and predictable. Anxiety reminds of what I hold on to that needs letting go.

Because I can sink into the couch of a well-planned schedule – the way they like their eggs cooked,  sandwiches made, the laundry folded – and miss His pulling back the welcome curtain to the world that doesn’t look like us.

Finding security in control of the small and predictable in the everyday, it tricks me into thinking I have any control at all.

Until we touch down on English soil, walk through customs into a world of taking seats on the opposite side of experience. It’s then that fear, the invisible third person in the car, joins me as a passenger to driving on the other side of the road. We clench together stiff along the narrow, winding journey of beautiful change.

Fear whispers questions in my ear about what might happen. What if we have an accident, if he inadvertently pulls into the right lane when it should be the left? Or if we lose control driving at high speeds. What then?

And if fear sits beside me, freedom smiles next to H looking at me puzzled. Because freedom rooted in generations walking out their faith doesn’t speak the language of fear.

rbfeartakesover1

Fear is my unwelcome relative, part of the family tree for generations that shows up unexpectedly to parties I host for risk and adventure. He weezles his way into crowded thoughts, plants doubt when no one is looking, then spreads out safe and secure like a picnic with a basket full of excuses.

And the only way to release him from lurking around in the kitchen of cooked up dreams is to send courage in to tell him to go home.

Courage is the humble guest that sees clear through crowded rooms of fear. He understands the purpose in risk and adventure, sacrifices Himself to get there for love.

I choose to follow Courage careening narrow along stone walls flanking green quilts dotted woolly white.  Walk over fear to the other side of predictable along cobblestone streets and underground stares.  He knows where He is going, the way to get there. And the path looks a lot like love.

The act of courage calls forth infallibly that deeper part of ourselves that supports and sustains us. ~Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

Does fear keep you from fulfilling dreams? From experiencing adventure?

rbfeartakesover2

Surrender

Thy saints are comforted, I know,

And love Thy house of prayer;

I therefore go where others go,

But find no comfort there.

Oh make this heart rejoice, or ache;

Decide this doubt for me;

And if it be not broken, break,

And heal it, if it be.

~WILLIAM COWPER (English, 1731-1800)

As you walk into the weekend, may He hale a cab for you before you give up, lay crumbs of certainty when you lose your way, embrace you with a warm hug from a fellow pilgrim. And when the sign creaks, swinging in the chilly howl of night air, may the sound be a reminder that he is with you. He is faithful. Always.

Thanking God for each of you. Welcome to the Weekend Friends!

Redemption’s Imperfect Clarity

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

~ I Corinthians 13:12

I stood in front of this vine draped window of beauty at Muncaster Castle in Ravenglass, England, envisioned women in crinolines and lace staring out of it in centuries past. How their choices of fierce determination tell part of my story too.

It’s a curious thing how a girl fostered in reckless childhood could stand in the dim reflection of miraculous destiny and suddenly see that her Saviour was standing behind her all along.

May we hold on to the promise of clarity in the murky reflections of life’s circumstances, knowing He stands waiting with a mirror, when it is time to see.

Happy Sunday Friends! 

 

Lingering Here

Still may thy sweet mercy spread

A shady arm above my head,

About my paths, so shall I find

The fair Center of my mind

Thy Temple, and those lovely walls

Bright ever with a beam that falls

Fresh from the pure glance of thine eye,

Lighting to Eternity.

~Richard Crenshaw (1613-1649)

Wherever your weekend plans take you, may you find the beauty growing from the cracks, a place to linger under the shady arm of His peace.

Because Life is Crammed Full

Earth’s crammed with heaven;

And every common bush afire with God:

But only he who sees, takes off his shoes,

The rest sit round it, and pluck blackberries,

And daub their natural faces unaware

More and more, from the first similtude.

~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Wherever your weekend holiday plans take you, may you feel full of heaven, overflowing with the taking your shoes off and dancing in the rain kind of joy.

Happy Saturday Friends!

(Photos from Muncaster Castle in Ravenglass, England)

 

What It Means to Live a Good Story

“If I’m boring you, just flake off,” Patrick says to the crowd following him along the grassy terrace for a garden tour. We giggle over his blunt honesty.  Not a single person turns around and walks away from the 90-year old man with the handmade scarf around his neck, cane in his hand.  The mischievous man that changes his name to Pennington for his wife, moves into Muncaster Castle, gives up a career to cultivate the beauty that envelopes us in a time warp.

He trudges up the pathway, points to the towering rhododendron on the right side of a ravine, says it’s been there since 1866. My mouth drops open in the wonder, like I’m covered in fairy dust.  He stops to touch one of the blooms on another one, tells us the vibrant pink color reminds him of the “psychedelic tidily winks his mother-in-law wore on her ears when she was alive.”

Patrick talks about how he abhors politics and writes poetry to deal with authorities. He stops walking, turns around and recites a poem to the branches overhead. The disparaging rhymes about a troublesome politician raises a few eyebrows.  

And because I ask him to sign his book of poetry beforehand, tell him I am a writer too, he looks at me through the maze of heads throughout the tour, directs remarks toward me about writing as if we know each other long. Then he asks H if he might be interested in taking the pastor’s position at the church on the grounds.

I’ve just met Patrick. Somehow we’re related.  I’ve traveled over the seas to walk the grounds of Muncaster Castle in Ravenglass, England – where I’ve traced my ancestry back to the Pennington’s more than 1,000 years ago.

I wouldn’t miss this garden tour by the man who knows every crevice, branch and bloom on this loamy expanse of beauty that whisper the secrets of life for anything. He’s telling me how to live a good story with every step.

Be Honest

With every joke, innuendo, eyebrow arched comment he reminds me that blunt honesty spoken in love removes the mirage of the perfected life. It helps to define the landscape for all its panoramic scars and imperfections, to remind us of who we are in the deep underground of the soul.

Surpass Your Circumstances

His slow, confident, methodic steps pressed firmly into ancient soil remind that age and circumstance are mutually exclusive to calling. That to live a good story means understanding who wrote it. That there will be hills and valleys along the way, but they don’t change the course written in the book of life with our name on the spine. Even when taking a detour from time to time.

Give Generously

As people parade through his home, see his clothes cloaked over a radiator in the bedroom; interrupt his bowl of pea soup on the picnic table of the public, he responds to each one with dignity and broad smile. To sacrifice time, reputation and privacy for the sake of something greater than yourself is the kind of story that sticks to your skin like honey. It tastes sweet, leaves you longing for more.

Be Confidently You

When I look out the window, over the wide expanse of planted history waving her branches of welcome, I can hardly breathe. Because when I think about those early years of wondering tearful in the bedroom of safety, just outside the smoky room of depravity and empty cans of sorrow, I didn’t know this. That His arm would extend across the seas to show me how to live a good story.  That I have been living one all along.

How do you live a good story? I’m joining the group of writers at Prodigal Magazine to find out how. You can share your story too.

Linking with  God Bumps, Imperfect Prose, WLWW, Life in Bloom, Thought Provoking Thursday

Touching Destiny

It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.

Ephesians 1:11-12, The Message

Several days ago my hands touch hallowed walls of this Anglican church given to my ancestors, the Pennington’s, around 1050 AD. I linger long over the grassy graves of the faithful that trod this sacred soil. Step on the richness of their history and wonder how I might mirror their reflection.

He knew that I would hold my breath in wonder on the grounds of Muncaster Castle in Ravenglass England. That I would worship Him alongside angels of destiny, sit in the seat of the faithful, feel small in the impint of ancient souls on this very day.

Over one thousand years ago, he had his eye on me, on you, to fulfill His purposes in everything and everyone. And knowing that makes life worth living.

Praying on this Sabbath, that you touch destiny, receive a revelation of who you are.

Happy Sunday Friends!

 

 

 

Linking with Scripture & SnapshotFresh Brewed Sunday, Sweet Shot Tuesday